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My Selfish Desire

In that year, Mahaprabhuji stayed in the Rai-ka-Bagh Palace of Jodhpur during the four months of the monsoon and I accompanied him there.

On the morning of August 5th, I said to Mahaprabhuji, "Today I would like to visit Sri Man Singh, the foreman of the local prison."

"Go if you like," Gurudeva answered.

Sri Man Singh was delighted to see me. After our satsang he invited me for a meal and I thanked him for his kind invitation.

"I shall come if you make chapatis from millet flour for me," I replied. These were one of my favourite foods.

"I have no millet flour in my house but I will get some for you. In any case, you must eat at my home!"

He dashed out of the house and returned one hour later with the millet flour and began to prepare the chapatis for me. I enjoyed the meal very much.

Later on I returned to Mahaprabhuji at the palace but soon after I felt some terrible pains in my stomach. Mahaprabhuji noticed my suffering and inquired what was wrong. I replied that I had cramps in the stomach. He asked what I had eaten for lunch.

"Today I ate fresh chapatis from millet flour," I said.

One is not able to hide anything from Mahaprabhuji as he knows all, even before he is told. He instantly gave me the following lecture.

"It was wrong of you to demand that bread. In doing this you violated the law of sannyas, which commands that no selfish request is to be made of the disciples or students. Behind your wish was desire, of which this pain is the result. Swamis ought to eat only that which is offered to them by the host. You may have been unaware of the inconvenience caused to Sri Man Singh in obtaining the millet flour, but in any case punishment has instantly followed."

Recognising my fault, I begged the pardon of Mahaprabhuji.

"I now realize my mistake. Please have compassion on me!"

"At exactly the time you ate the chapatis, the pain will be over. What time did you eat them?"

I answered that it was around eleven o'clock.

"Then your stomach pains will be gone by tomorrow at eleven o'clock."

He added, "Nothing belongs to you. Hold onto truth and remember God."

I had no choice but to further endure the consequencesof my selfish wish but in Mahaprabhuji's presence my attention was so much directed towards him that I almost forgot my pain. So the hours passed quickly and as Mahaprabhuji had foretold, I was feeling perfectly well again twenty-four hours later.




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Overview: My life with Sri Mahaprabhuji